There is no universal definition of ‘wellness’. The term is too broad. Plus, it has to do with feeling, which is highly subjective: I can’t show you what feeling well means to me, and I can’t be totally sure what you mean when you tell me you feel well either. So, ultimately you define for yourself what wellness means to you.
A lot of the wellness that’s marketed to us is fantasy. I propose a definition of wellness that is real – though feel free to switch out the adjective ‘real’ for whatever language resonates for you: bone fide, authentic, legitimate, the real deal, realistic, attainable, honest or human, for example. It’s your subjective experience, so choose the best words for you.
Real wellness is authentic to you. It is about making choices that work for you and leave you feeling empowered, vitalized, grounded, and well! It’s an entirely unique journey for everyone, requiring different skills and tools depending on your priorities, values, intentions and truth. Because there’s no one recipe for real wellness –you must work it out for yourself by reflecting and experimenting. Your recipe is unique to you and will only be cultivated through experimentation with ideas that resonate with you. Forget what others do and cease making comparisons. Instead, tune in to what’s happening within you and what you need.
Your wellness journey is about embracing you, realising what you need and love, and accepting your reality – physically, mentally, and environmentally – all while living in tune with your values and priorities, and hopefully kicking some life goals. Drop any judgements or standards and focus on yourself, your unique needs and circumstance, and what is workable for you. Your wellness journey is one you take as an individual. It is created by you and for you.
Real wellness is realistic and within reach. It is very much about working with yourself as you are in the present moment, and not some fantasy of the past or future. Ensure your version of wellness is realistic, achievable, and sustainable. Work with that. Any unfair expectations you may hold for yourself deep down – and likely all of the comparisons you make – will only stop you from being well and may even cause you suffering. Let go of those.
Real wellness is attainable. It’s not you 20 years ago, or you if you changed in some way from the perfectly imperfect version of you as you are right now. This is a key point, and one that it’s worth taking the time to understand and accept. Wellness needs to be cultivated by accepting who you are today, facing and accommodating any challenges, disease and/or infirmities you live with now, and living in an adaptive way – that you choose for yourself – that works and meets your holistic needs. It fundamentally requires self-acceptance and self-compassion.
Real wellness requires focus on and respect for your reality – for what is possible for you, and what you can do today to care for yourself. The more gracefully you manoeuvre your precious self through the day, the better. If you take this approach, then the relationship you foster with yourself will thrive. Without a mindset of self-care and respect, it may languish & deteriorate.
Real wellness is spiritual: it manifests when you connect with others, express yourself fully and intuitively, and allow your whole self to be seen, heard, and loved for the greater good. It takes hard work and gutsiness. It’s never achieved by living a life of complacency and, what I call, ‘Fuck it” moments (those moments where you reach your tipping point and give up on your goals), and it’s not about living egotistically for your own gains. Rather, it’s about rising to your best capacity and function, to contribute your unique strengths and make the world a better place. When we share our gifts with the world, partake in random acts of kindness, be of service, and advocate for positive change, our soul is nourished, and we feel well.
Real wellness is living aligned to your truth and participating fully in your life in ways that work for you. As you now know, it’s far more than the sum of the commonly discussed parts – physical health, nutrition, exercise, weight management etc – but is defined by the relationship you hold with yourself, and includes your values, priorities, intentions, and ability to meet your heartfelt yearnings, which is discussed more in coming chapters.
Real wellness is an imperfect lifestyle – a life-long commitment to living authentically and, by definition, we humans are far from perfect: part of the goal of real wellness is accepting that imperfection – so expect the unexpected, the challenges and all the slips. It asks for understanding and forgiveness during times you don’t behave ideally. I eat a ton of fresh foods and veggies but at night you’ll also find me getting into chocolate, and I love cake! Sometimes I eat too much of a good thing and have remorse when my belly aches or I have a bout of constipation but, hey, I’m human. When I notice I’ve strayed from my path, I pause, take a moment to redirect myself then get back to my general healthy and balanced diet. Know that you will make both mistakes and gains, and your path will be constantly evolving. It is this fluctuating, flexible, and self-attuned lifestyle that will deliver you the benefits of real wellness.
Just as your path to real wellness is unique to you, the consistent work it requires has to come from you. It’s up to you to keep a keen eye on your choices and self-care and put in the effort. Although there is a world of support out there, ultimately, no-one is coming to hands on help you do the personal work and no one can do it for you. Important to living with real wellness is that you commit to a lifelong lifestyle of self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-mastery, and enjoy your journey as a human doing your best.
Real wellness is available to everyone. You can be old or young, any weight, living with illnesses, less fit than you used to be, eat junk food occasionally, and still be well.
You can enjoy real wellness despite any health challenges and functional limitations you may face – now or in the future. If you live long enough, you will develop chronic symptoms and health conditions. However, no matter what you experience, it’s possible to live and feel well if you manage yourself in ways that makes the most of your situation.
So, let’s finally turn our attention to what I mean by real wellness! <Insert drum roll here> simply put, I propose that real wellness is defined by living with self-mastery and cultivating a compassionate relationship with yourself.
Self-mastery for real wellness is the ability to manage yourself optimally, so you can meet your needs, most of the time. This mastery requires three things: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-management, which I refer to as the three pillars of real wellness. As you grow in all these areas, you will also develop your capacity for self-compassion and foster a healthy relationship with yourself. All three pilars can be learnt and built on, which is why I wrote this book.
When you live by your personal standards and stay true to what is most valuable and meaning to you, you will be well. To put it another way, you are on your path of real wellness when you get yourself, own your shit and can take care of it.
While I don’t want it to sound too simple – because it sure isn’t – it is also definitely achievable, provided you commit to it. Essentially, it is everyone’s life’s work and I’m offering you the chance to get there quicker and more effectively. It is accessible to all, but you need to do the self-enquiry and the work (behavior change).
In the following blog posts, I provide will you with a practical framework to conceptualise your human-ness in order to develop your self-awareness and self-acceptance and make it simpler to manage your human-ness. I will introduce key skills you can use to achieving real wellness. You will find a bunch of concepts and tools to aid your self-efficacy as well as stories, to learn from others, that offer inspiration and another way to understand the messages: we all learn differently. With knowledge and actioned strategy, it is possible to live meeting your holistic health needs regardless of all the shit life may throw you. Being able to live this way is what I call real wellness.
